Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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