why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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