There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So much rum. So many feels.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
