She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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