I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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