WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
