I'm so fucking centered right now
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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