And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
do herpes really smell.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
