found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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