I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
