i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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