Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
