so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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