Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
