I'm gonna have a badass scar
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
