You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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