I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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