drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
