Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
