There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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