I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize