there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
