Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
