His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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