She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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