you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
