But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
