her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
