Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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