hotel room ftw
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
