i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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