soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
