Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Operation Purity has been aborted
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
