and i looked up. we had an audience...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's blow job season.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
