Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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