I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
