I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
