Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
