I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
