Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
