When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
