I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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