i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
