Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
