you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
