So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
