so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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