this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
