Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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