I just pynch a tree in the face
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
