Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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