is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
