Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
