Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
