thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
