Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
