I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
