I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
