Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize