The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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