Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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