I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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