Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
