I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
