does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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