So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
